Clear Photographs
by Gentle Hina
Summary: Matthew's constently ignored and tossed around in the school hallways. His brother pretends not to know him at school until Matthew gets sick; Then things change. But why? AmeriCan, hints of past RussiCan; Rated M; Matthew's POV and Alfred's POV
1. Chapter 1

_"The sky is so blue today. Everyone at school seems so happy, chatting and smiling with their friends."_

_"I wonder if I can be like that one day?"_

I wasn't sure how long I'd been sitting on the rock in the courtyard at school, but apparently long enough for lunch to be over. As the bell rang and everyone left, I stared at the sky for just few more seconds before quickly taking a picture with my camera and began walking into the large crowd. I put my camera into my shoulder bag before reaching the double doors, so a teacher wouldn't yell at me for having it at school, and started to head to my locker, being shoved at and pushed around by the large crowd on the way. I'm sure that this happens to everyone: Getting smacked in the shoulder by students passing by, almost getting tripped but catching myself quickly, getting slammed into the lockers and later finding a bruise on my lower shoulder from it.

Doesn't it?

I wasn't sure why I had gotten a bottom locker in the most crowded area in the whole school. Maybe it's just a prank gone wrong. Just as I managed to get my locker open, damn the thing for getting stuck so often, the person above had slammed their locker on my head, not even apologizing as they had closed it again. Rubbing the back of my head I got my textbooks out and began to head to class before someone had grabbed my shoulder and turned me around to them.

"Hey Mattie, got five dollars? I need it to get some movie tickets for tonight!"

Ah. My brother, Alfred, the most popular guy in school, coming to me for money yet again. I don't understand why he'd do this sometimes at school, seeing as he constently denied that we were related in anyway so I wouldn't ruin his title in school. Closing my eyes while giving a heavy sigh I pulled out my wallet and gave him the money. The money that I worked hard for at my part time job, that I was trying to save for college.

He grinned while putting it in his jacket pocket and smacked me right on the spot where my shoulder had gotten slammed in a locker. He hadn't seemed to notice that I winced in pain from it.

"Thanks Mattie! I'll pay ya back later."

"That's ok. I know you're busy with your friends, so you don't have to." He never paid me back anyway. When dad didn't give him the amount he wanted he came to me thinking that I was his piggy bank or something.

But this happens to everyone, doesn't it?

As Alfred opened his mouth to say something he saw some of his friends coming near and, what seemed to me was a coverup, pushed me down before walking over to them. I watched them walk down the hallway, laughing and joking around about something. Probably me. I got up and rushed to class, trying not to be late, and made it just in time.

-o-

The final bell for school rang and everyone seemed to run out of their classrooms to get out as fast as they could. Of course, like always, I was shoved and pushed on the way to my locker, only this time I had actually been tripped right when I reached my locker, which made me slam my forehead on it. I got as close to my locker as I could, held my forehead, and waited for people to leave so I could actually get out without getting hurt again. I felt like a few tears were coming to my eyes but blinked them back as I put what I didn't need and got out what I needed in my locker, fast walking out while holding on to my shoulderbag strap, starting to feel alittle sick. As I walked outside I saw Alfred in the parking lot near his car, the one dad had gotten him for his birthday last year, flirting with a girl. A long frown came to my face as I remembered that only a few days ago Alfred had broken up with Leah- If I remembered correctly he said it was because she didn't have enough spark in her or something. Just cause she wasn't daring like him.

"Alfred?" A small voice came from behind and, turning around, it came from Leah. She had long brown hair and hazel eyes. She seemed to have a determined look upon her face, and that made me REALLY want to stop her from doing anything while she thought I was my brother.

"No, that's not me-" She grabbed my hands and leaned in close to me.

"Don't even try that! I came here to tell you that I wanted to try again. I'm still not completely sure what I did to make you break up with me, but I'll fix it! I still love you!" She had almost kissed me before I grabbed her cheeks and gently but quickly pushed her away.

"I'm not Alfred, Leah. He's ah, over there..." I turned her head to where he was, making her jerk back and slap me in the face, a scrowl on her face.

"Loser! Trying to pull crap like that on me! I can't think of anything lower than posing as someone else!" She gave a mad grunt and proceeded to jump the railing and fast walk to Alfred. Holding my now red cheek I watched it play out from a distance, and, not surprisingly, it ended with Leah running off, obviously crying or upset. I gave a sigh before walking to the bike rike to ride back home-

Wait.

Where is it?

I stared blankly at where my bike was supposed to be. It wasn't there and I knew it was here this morning. I began to rub my temples and turned on my heel to walk home. There went a months saving to get that bike. I didn't understand why anyone would want the thing though. It wasn't that good, or fancy, just good enough to get me where I needed to be. Now I'm going to have complete and absolute trouble getting to work! I guess I'll have to get up an hour early now so I can make it there on time...Same with school. Great. I can't ride home with Alfred, because if people saw loser me coming out of the awesome Alfred's car, things would get ruined for him and it'd be all my fault. Stopping at the edge of sidewalk I looked across the street at the local park and pulled out my camera as I continued once more. Dad wouldn't care if I was late coming home seeing as he constently forgot all about me and focused only on Alfred. Yeah, he fed me and got me clothes and such, but it was always Alfred who got the best of the best.

Because he's the important one. Born two minutes before me and always ten steps ahead of me. It didn't matter if I made all As, or if I made all Fs; it only mattered if Alfred was passing or not. Dad would do anything for my brother.

So what would it matter if I was late coming home from taking pictures? It wouldn't, so why worry about it?

After taking pictures of the old bridge, the clear lake, trees, and some flowers I once more looked up at the sky, which was now fairly clouded. What's it like to be able to fly away from anything and everything? Maybe I should have been born a bird. I could leave whenever I wanted. Pointed my camera up at the sky I took a picture, and another, and even another. I'm not quite sure why but I like taking pictures of the sky the best. Well, besides lakes and the like, but even so. Suddenly my cellphone began to ring, startling me and making me almost drop my camera. I quickly answered it.

"_H_-Hello?"

"Matthew, where are you?"

I blinked slowly before replying.

"...Dad?" Why was he calling ME? Is this a joke?

"Where's your brother? He's grounded but he's not home!"

Oh. So_ that's _why. I should have known.

"At the movies I believe."

"Go get him and bring him back for me. If he doesn't want to come back, tell him that I'll take away his video games." His British accent slightly became rougher than usual.

"Um, sure dad. But I don't have a ride-"

"Go at it then! I'll see you later, uh..."

"Matthew."

"Right then. Bye."

I sighed as I hung up the phone and began walking to the movies. Why couldn't dad have let me finish? Now I have to walk all the way to the movies, convince Alfred to come home, get left behind by Alfred because he probably won't let me in his car, and walk all the way back home.

"At least it's Friday." I muttered while putting my hands in my pockets.

-o-

I offically never want to go to the movies ever, EVER again. Panting as I finally reached the theater I mentally praised the Lord when I saw that Alfred had just arrived.

"Oh my God, thank you!" I ran over to Alfred as fast as I could and, lucky for me, he was alone, none of his friends near. As he began to lock his car I accidently ran into his back, almost falling down. Alfred spun around and seemed surprised to see me, but I could tell he was probably worrying that he'd been seen with me by his friends.

"Matthew, what are you doing here? I'm pretty sure you're not meeting anyone." He zipped up his bomber jacket while raising his eyebrow at me. I tried to stop panting, even just a bit, so I could reply better. I gently smacked my chest with my palm before replying.

"Da-Dad told me," I sucked in some air, "To bring you back home 'cause you're grounded." Alfred gave a slight scrowl at me while pouting.

"I'm not going to. I'm at least going to see this movie first before going home," He crossed his arms and leaned into me, "And there's nothing you can do. You're just my backup, Mattie!"

I rolled my eyes and ran my hand through my hair, placing a hand on my hip.

"He said he's going to take away your video games if you don't come back home." Alfred's eye twitched, obviously in worry for his games, but closed his eyes and looked away.

"S-So? I don't care! I already beat all of 'em!"

Why couldn't he just go home?

"Alfred, please, I walked all the way here and I'm really not feeling good enough to argue with you." I really, really wasn't. I felt like my legs were going to give out and my chest was hurting. He seemed to have a look of concern in his eyes for a split moment but gave a frown of disapproval once more.

"You didn't have to walk all the way Matthew. You could've just rode your bike or something." I felt my shoulders slump abit and gave a heavy sigh.

"Someone stole it. If you want the truth, I didn't HAVE to come here. Dad would've forgotten he sent me anyway! If I had my frikkin' bike I wouldn't be so out of breath!" Alfred blinked with a blank face and scratched his nose, a habit he had when he had his facts wrong or when he felt slightly dumb in a conversation.

"Well...still. You, huh, could've caught a ride or something. And how'd it get stolen? Didn't you lock it?" I thought if anything had happened this morning and then facepalmed, making Alfred jump abit.

"Ugh! I didn't lock it!" Alfred twitched a smile for a second before putting a hand on my shoulder.

"There you go. If it was ME, I would've been awesome about it and would have locked it." I shrugged his shoulder off and scrowled, ignoring the need to sit down from my legs.

"_YOU_ don't have to worry about it because you have your fancy car! At least_ I'M _not a jerk like you! At least _I_ don't act like a total jack off to my brother all the time!" Alfred scrowled back, and I knew an argument was about to begin.

"At least _I'M_ not a passive agressive loser!_ I'M _actually noticible, unlike you! You're like a ghost!"

"I'm _SO_ sorry that I don't crack the ground underneath me when I walk, like you do being a total fat ass!"

He leaned in, looking angrier. I felt my face get warm and my chest hurting more than before. I cannot argue with him right now! I need to go home and lie down!

"You're so invisible someone could run over you and not notice-"

I fell forward and, to my surprise, I felt Alfred catch me. I could barely lift my head to look at him. When I saw his face it looked like he was starting to freak out abit.

"M-Matthew? Are you ok? Bro, what's wrong?" He kept a steady grip on me so I wouldn't fall.

"Can you please...just take me home?" I shut my eyes and, before I passed out, I could feel Alfred picking me open and could hear a car door open.

-o-

I suddenly felt myself moving, sorta like I was floating, but then realized someone was carrying me. My eyes fluttering open, I looked up to see Alfred...? What had happened?

"...Alfred...?" I still felt horrible and was begining to get a slight headache. He quickly looked down and looked slightly relieved but still concerned.

"Matthew, you ok? You passed out in the parking lot. That gave me a total scare!" While he was talking he reached our bedroom and placed me on my bed, even taking my shoes off for me before I turned over on my side. I curled up slightly and shook my head abit.

"I feel like I'm gonna die. When'd we get home...?" There was no way he would have driven us back in his car, but he wouldn't have left it in the parking lot.

"It took about ten minutes to get here," He left and came back with a strip thermometer, "I can now see why you were so tired walking all the way there! How'd you do that anyway?" Placing it on my forehead I only gave a small grunt in reply. What had been a smile on his face turned into a frown as he took it off my forehead.

"What?" I wasn't liking this at all.

"102 degrees. You might have the flu. I'll be right back." He ran out of the room and I could hear him running down the stairs. I closed my eyes and breathed in, trying to ignore my headache and the body aches. Suddenly I felt a hand on my forehead, which felt really nice and cold, and opened my eyes to see dad, bushy eyebrows scrunched together and a frown placed on his face.

"Matthew, how long have you been feeling sick?" He sat next to me on the bed; Alfred wasn't in the room, which made me wonder if he went off somewhere stupid. I turned on my back so I could easily look at him when talking.

"Since after school," I looked away, "...Are you mad at me?" Dad's eyes widened abit before shaking his head and, with a gentle smile on his face, taking off my glasses and placing them on the table next to my bed.

"Why would I be? You should have told me."

"You wouldn't have cared," I closed my eyes before continuing, "It's not as important as Alfred is. I'm not important."

There was silence for a minute or two before dad replied.

"That's not true Matthew. I would have taken care of you. Why would you think Alfred's more important?"

I felt tears forming, and my lip began to quiver as I curled back up once again, trying not to break down; Unfortunately, it didn't work.

"**_It's aways about Alfred! It's never about ME, never ever! I behave, I do well in school, I don't cause problems, but I never get praised for it! You always get Alfred everything he wants, but I have to work for what I want!_**" I began to tremble as I let out a heavy sob.

"Matthew, calm down-"

"_**I'm even so embarassing and such a loser that my own brother doesn't even want to be seen with me! I'm a fucking dork, dad! I'm a nerd, I'm a piece of shit! No one cares!**_"

Dad made me sit up and hugged me tightly, not even minding that I was ruining his sweater vest.

"_**I don't have any friends! I'll never be well-liked, or popular, or be the person that everyone wants to be with!** I'm not good enough for anything_." At that point, I couldn't talk anymore and just continued crying.

I wasn't sure how long I had been crying, but all I knew was that during the whole time dad was stroking my hair, rubbing my back, and telling me it was ok. He laid me down, tucked me in, and kissed me goodnight before turning the light off and leaving. My throat was sore, adding to how shitty I already felt, but I quickly felt myself going to sleep.

* * *

NEW STORY EVEN THOUGH I SHOULD BE FOCUSING ON OTHER THINGS. SHOOT ME GUYS.

Trust me, it'll get better than this OTL It'll be in Alfred's POV next chapter to balance this whole story out. Tell me what you think so far if you want; Especialy if it sucks eggs :T I'll be updating Shoe Girl tomorrow btw, so I guess you can look forword to it 8DD


	2. Chapter 2

This one's in Alfred's POV 8DD What I'll probably be doing is switch every chapter or so. /Ex. Alfred, Matthew, Alfred, Matthew/ But sometimes I'll do the same person twice in a row = v ='

* * *

Matthew was sleeping soundly and wasn't moving around much. I mean, yeah he doesn't move around a lot when he sleeps normally, but it still bothered me. I didn't like seeing him sick 'cause it made me feel like I didn't have any way to help him besides giving him pills or something. A REAL hero would be able to totally cure him on the spot but I'm not able to, which totally sucks! Plus, what if a ghost enters him? I heard that when someone's sick, their body gets really weak and makes it easy for ghosts to enter! I shuddered as I pictured Mattie possessed by a ghost. That would be super scary, maybe even more than The Ring! ...Ok, maybe not THAT scary, but still. I was getting bored watching him sleep and my ass was hurting from sitting on my rolly chair for so long, but dad told me to watch him while he went out. Maybe I ignored Mattie at school, ignored him at times, and totally forgot all about him, but I still cared for him.

I mean, he's my bro! Who wouldn't be concerned when their bro passess out on them in a parking lot and gets the flu?

Anyway, after a few more minutes, I decided to go downstairs to get something to eat; I couldn't play video games 'cause dad took'em away and my cell was turned off until I was ungrounded. I could use the house phone but to be honest it kinda sucks and it has really bad quality when talking to someone. Not my favorite kind of phone. That and it gave off a heavy static sound that made me feel like a ghost was in the phone lines! Opening the fridge and grabbing a Hershey bar that I had saved I walked back upstairs and jumped on my bed, pulling a magazine out from under it.

"Time for some action." I gave a smirk and opened it, feeling my cheeks heat up a bit.

"Oh, Miss August, you look stunning in that string bikini! And Cherly, that's a wonderful black bra you're wearing! See-through, just the way I like it! How_ did _you know?" If dad knew I had this he would flip out and probably shit his pants; he's always telling me that magazines like this are a disgrace to women and what-not, but I honestly can't see why. If these women want to do this, I DEFIANTLY not gonna stop 'em! I had just put my hand in my pants before something horrible happened.

Like, really REALLY horrible.

Matthew had woken up and was staring at me bug eyed! His face was redder than normal, with him being sick and all, and his mouth was open like he was gonna say something. We both just stared at eachother in silence. After about five minutes I pulled my hand out, put the magazine away, and scratched my nose- not with my, ah, "dirty" hand though. This was totally NOT heroic!

"Al-Alfred, what-what was that? Were you really just...ah..._j_-..jacking off?" Matthew had been sitting up and brought his hand to his mouth in a loose fist, obviously embarassed from seeing me about to jerk off. Or something like that, I couldn't really tell.

"Nooo," I slid my eyes away before looking back at him, "Yees. But if YOU saw a girl like Cherly or Miss August, you'd do it too!" I crossed my arms and legs while puffing out my cheeks. Why did he chose NOW to wake up? He defiantly had unawesome timing! Matthew bit his lip and looked away.

"I...don't do stuff like that, Al. Honestly. It's really..." He trailed off and rubbed his ear.

""Really"?"

"Um...na-nasty. And uncalled for. Couldn't you have at least done it somewhere else? Like the bathroom or something? I don't want to see you jack off practically in my face! It's not something I want to wake up to, especially if I still feel bad!" He gagged a bit before sighing heavily. I made a slight face before hopping up to go wash my hand. Matthew's defiantly a total cockblock, even if I was going for myself!

Wait, so he cockblocked me from myself? Was that how it was put in this situation? At least I know to NEVER double-date with him, seeing as he'd probably kill the mood! Geez, can't a guy get his jerks in his own house? When I came back to the room Matthew was lying back down, trying to read a book. I saw the trashcan right next to his bed and knew right then that he'd just barfed; that, and he looked like paper, which he always did after he barfed. I rubbed the back of my head before sitting down next to him on his bed. He slid his violet-blue eyes over to me without turning his head and then looked back at his book. Sitting criss-cross I decided to start a conversation.

"So. What'cha reading?" He wiped the corner of his mouth before replying.

"How Hitler Could Have Won World War 2. You probably wouldn't like it." I stared at him.

"Hitler? Wasn't that he guy that had that weird swirly symbol thingy?"

Matthew raised an eyebrow at him before pushing his glasses back up.

"You mean a swastika? You really need to pay attention more in History."

"Whatever! I only need American history! Who needs that World History stuff anyway? It's _boring_!"

Matthew rolled his eyes and turned a page in his book without replying. I gave a huff before starting to poke his cheeks over and over.

"Do YOU like World History Mattie? Why do you even like it? Isn't it stupid? What's so great about it? Who's your favorite president? What's your favorite country? How many pages are in that book? How far are you in it? What's it about so far? Why's it so big? How come-"

Matthew slapped his hand over my mouth while his eye twitched along with his mouth.

"Stop. Talking. **NOW**." I rolled my eyes at him- Cause I mean really, who could ever take Matthew seriously? He's like a little puppy! He's so harmless and fluffy and-

"OWW!" He pinched my lip! He_ pinched _my **_LIP_**! God damn it!

"Did you even hear me? Did you hear me tell you to read the atmosphere and know when to be quiet? Did you?"

"Read the atmosphere? What bookstore's that at?" Almost EVERYONE had been telling me to read that! How do they all know about that book, 'cause I've never heard of it! Matthew's mouth twitched and he pinched my lip again; gasping a bit, I pushed his hand off and brought my own to it, trying to soothe it but failing at it.

"It's not a book, Alfred. If you're really that air-headed than go Google it." Matthew gave a huff; I noticed that he was sweating a bit even though it wasn't even that hot. I placed my hand on his forehead and scrunched my eyebrows together.

"It's not hot, so why are you sweating?" Closing his book, Matthew fell back and placed his hand on mine before giving a strained smile at me, sorta like he was irratited at me or something.

"That's something that comes with the flu. You never get sick, so you wouldn't know a lot about it. It's a common symtom, so don't think about it too hard Captain America." His head felt so hot on my hand and I started wondering what it was like to have the flu. I've actually never gotten it in all of my life! Mattie got sick a lot, which I didn't understand why, so I guess he must really be used to it or something. I still don't think it's normal to start out that bad while getting the flu though.

"Ok then, Canuck button, I won't." As I grinned at him his face turned redder than it already was before he grabbed my hand and put it on his right cheek.

"Oh, shud' up! You know I don't like being called that! I'd rather you call me Maple-Kins or something!" I chuckled as he grabbed my other hand and placed it on his other cheek, which made me raise an eyebrow at him.

"What are you doing? You're acting all weird..." He closed his eyes while pouting at me.

"They're cold and they feel good. That's why." A grin came on my face.

"They're cold and they feel good? What ever do you mean by that? 'Cause you know, I could always _help_ you in more ways than just this-" Matthew smacked my hands off and punched me in my knee, causing me to let out a whine.

"Geez, what was that for? _Owww_..." I started rubbing my knee while Mattie gave a mad frown at me as he crossed his arms.

"Don't make that into something perverted! I would never want you to touch me down there! I wouldn't even let you touch my_ hips_, you masturbating cow-licked moron!" He turned his head the other way and let out a loud angry huff. I rolled my eyes before getting up and stratching.

"I wouldn't want to anyway Mattie! I'm not gay, especially not for my brother. Keep on dreaming, little bro! I'll go get you an ice pack or something."

"Thanks a lot, burger-man! No guy would want you to touch 'em anyway!" He stuck his tongue out at me before turning over and making me have to look at his back. I stuck mine back out at him, even though he couldn't see it, and ran downstairs back towards the kitchen to get a plastic bag and fill it with ice. This should be cool enough for 'em! That way he won't use my hands anymore! Well, not that it was a bad thing or anything. It's just a inconvinence to have both my hands in use without my consent! That's why! As I walked back upstairs holding the plastic bag, I stopped right at the door to see Matthew barfing once more into the trashcan, looking completely horrible and looking like he was about to cry. I fast walked over, held his hair back, and even rubbed his back a bit before giving him the bag after he laid down. Mattie gave a small smile at me as he placed it on his cheek.

"Thanks Al. Really." I flashed a smile and a thumbs up at him.

"No prob, bro! I AM the hero after all!" Matthew's smiled twitched before it turned into a small frown.

"You know, it'd be nice if you'd act this way at school. I mean, even just a bit." I felt my mouth twitch.

"Well, you know, I-"

"You can't though. I understand. It'd be really horrible if I was seen with you. But," Matthew gave me this really strained smile, "This happens to everyone, so it's fine. I think I'm going to go back to sleep, so could you please get off my bed?"

I blinked slowly before doing what he asked, still processing what he had just said to me.

"You know I don't really, ah, mean it, right?" I frowned as Matthew stared at me with this weird look; it didn't look right to me.

"Yeah. I know."

_"But you do mean it, don't you?" _It was like his eyes were saying that instead, but I tried to shrug it off as I walked back to my own bed, pulling out a game magazine. After a few minutes I heard Matthew let out a light snore, so I knew he was back asleep once more. It was like all he really felt like doing!

But, you know, I'm still wondering if Matthew's lying.

Is he?

* * *

MASTURBATION, A CELEBRATION- /SHOTSHOTSHOTSHOT/

I'm sorry, but I just HAD to do that = v = Alfred's a douche :U But that doesn't stop me from loving him. ; v ;

/sometimes./

***Edit***  
I fixed the word errors in the chapter =v= Even when I check the writing about 5 times before submitting there's always a bunch of mistakes that somehow go unnoticed OTL

I SUUUCK.


	3. Chapter 3

Matthew POV this time! You guys can kill me for late updating OTL School work takes up your time, ya know...?

* * *

_"Why do you like to take photographs?" I asked the Russian infront of me. He was always taking pictures and I didn't understand why. He turned to me after taking another picture of some flowers and gave me a smile._

_"It's like I can be in the pictures I take. If I take a picture of the sky, I can feel myself being in it. It's like an escape, something that calms me."_

_I hadn't understood at that time, but I wish I had._

_"But...why flowers? You're always taking pictures of them."_

_"Arn't they so warm and gentle? It's like I can carry them around everywhere. Where I come from, there arn't many that survive. Of course, I also take them with me, but I still take many photos of them." He bent down and picked a small pink flower from the garden, standing back up afterwords._

_"I think I understand." I smiled at him, and he smiled back._

_I think I'll get him-_

My eyes shot open as I abruptly awoke from my dream, hands clenching the bedsheets nearly as hard as I could. I gave a shaky sigh as I tried to tell myself that it was just a dream, seeing as it seemed so real to me. I felt better than I did yesterday, but I still felt bad, so I guessed that I hadn't gotten rid of the flu just yet. I looked over to the over side of the room and saw that Alfred was snoring loudly as usual; Checking that calender I saw that today was Sunday. Coulda sworn that it was Monday, but then again I wasn't really keeping track of the time, being sick and all. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, grabbing my glasses and putting them on before looking out the window that was letting in the bright, afternoon sunlight.

Why had I dreamed of that? I hadn't had a dream about that in 3 months. Maybe it was just a wild stroke of chance? Whatever it was I didn't like it. I saw that my backpack was placed near my bed and reached into it, pulling out my camera. I held it in my hands for a few minutes, just staring at it. I hadn't thought much about why he had taken pictures of such warm, gentle things for a while. There was a good reason for it, I know that, but it still made me want to sit in silence and regret any negatives thoughts I'd ever had. I held it up and took a picture of the window, capturing the glare of the sun and the giant oak tree that was near it.

"Came out good..." I muttered to myself as I sat it down once more. I wasn't feeling up to doing anything for some reason. My stomach was feeling very iffy and naseous, and I felt a little spaced out. I jumped when I felt a hand on my hand.

"Ah!"

A laugh was what came first before the actual reply.

"Haha, dang Mattie! You're totally outta it! Feel better? Cause you're not looking as pale, but you still look bad." Alfred grinned at me before sitting on my bed next to me. I patted my chest and gave out a sigh before slightly glaring at him.

"What have I told you about doing that? You scared me! Geez! I could've had a heart attack." At the state I was in, I might as well have had one. Alfred rolled his eyes at me.

"Yeah, yeah, heart attack and what not. Anyway, you hungry? I'll make ya something!"

I felt even more naseous after Alfred even suggested that.

"No way. You can't cook, and you'll probably burn down the house!" I held my stomach for effect, and because it slightly hurt. Alfred pouted at me and crossed his arms for his own effect.

"You're just jealous of my awesome cooking! I'm not that bad of a cook and you know it!" I rolled my eyes and patted his hand gently.

"Ok. Whatever you want. Go kill me with your charcoal hamburgers." Alfred jumped up from my bed and pumped his fists.

"Haha, I knew you would want my charcoal burgers!- _Wait_. Heeey!" He narrowed his eyes at me before walking out of our bedroom and going downstairs. I got out of bed and walked over to the window and looked outside, the suns' rays feeling good and warm on my skin.

"Maybe I should visit him when I feel better. I haven't done that in awhile, and I'm sure he's lonely." I haven't visted him since last Tuesday. I promised I'd vist everyday, but I've failed to do that. I wonder if he's mad at me. But I'm sure he'll forgive me. He always does. I crossed my arms on the window seal and rested my cheek on my right arm, staring at the cars passing by. He's only 5 minutes away, so maybe...

"Hey Mattie, I changed my mind! I can't find any meat, so I'm just gonna make some popcorn or something!"

I didn't look up from putting on my shoes as I heard Alfred's footsteps getting closer and closer to me. When I looked up, Alfred had a puzzled look on his face, one blond eyebrow raised and everything.

"What are you doing? You're supposed to be in bed, sleeping and stuff!" Alfred crossed his arms as I ran my fingers through my hair as a make-shift comb.

"I need to visit someone really, really quickly. He's only 5 minutes away, so I could just walk or something." Even though I felt worse and like I was going to puke just by standing up. Alfred put his hand on my forehead before narrowing his eyes.

"No way! You're just gonna get worse! Go lie down."

"I need to go, Alfred. Please?" The one time where I DON'T want him to care this much! He closed his eyes in thought before scratching his nose and opening them again.

"Ok, fine. But I'm driving you! No way are you gonna WALK all the way there and back!"

He walked over to his desk and picked up his car keys, grabbing my jacket and handing it to me before grabbing his own. I put it on and grabbed my wallet; Well, at least I could buy him a gift before I visit him. Makes it easier. As we walked out and got into his car I carefully put my wallet in my coat pocket.

"Oh, can we stop by somewhere first? I need to get my friend a gift." Alfred shrugged as he started the car and pulled out, looking back to check for cars.

"Yeah, sure, don't see why not. Any reason?"

I relaxed against the carseat and crossed my arms on my lap, looking straight ahead.

"It's a get well gift. Also kind of a "Come-back-soon" gift as well."

Even though I know that can't happen.

"Where exactly do you need to go to get it? Gamestop or something?" I shook my head.

"No. A flower shop." Alfred was silent for a moment or two.

"Flower shop? Well, I guess it makes sense. But if I were sick, I'd want a video game! Or maybe just a T.V." I gave a small laugh at him.

"He _can't play_ video games, Al." Alfred's eyebrows raised as he made a right turn.

"Whaat? He can't play video games? Dude, is he blind or something?" Haha. Just like Alfred.

"No, he has perfect vision. He just can't play them. He's not able to."

"Ok, ok, if you say so." Alfred gave up as he pulled up to the flower shop. I gave a heavy gulp as I tried not to barf as I got out of the car. Alfred walked over and placed his arm around me, probably to make sure I didn't fall or something.

"You ok? Maybe we should just go home Matt. You look really, REALLY, bad!" I shook my head as I walked into the shop with him.

"No, I have to visit him. It's important." Alfred frowned at me but didn't say anything for a while as I tried to find a certain type of flower.

"They have to have it somewhere..." I mumbled under my breath. Alfred's hands were in his jacket pocket as he lingered behind me, obviously getting bored.

"What kind of flowers does he like?" I smiled and rushed over when I saw the flowers, picking up three of them before turning back to Alfred.

"Sunflowers. He absolutely loves them! This'll make him happy." Alfred threw his head back in a huff.

"We came here for those? They're so boring! Wouldn't roses be better in your case?" He nudged me with a wink, causing me to almost choke on air.

"W-What? No! No! It's nothing like that! We're friends!" Face red, I rushed over to the counter to buy them, Alfred smirking after me. The lady behind the counter gave us a weird look as she saw Alfred nudging me and doing his annoying laugh. We really couldn't get out of there fast enough! Ugh! As we walked back to the car I felt some barf coming up and, in a last -ditch effort, quickly put the sunflowers on the carhood before upchucking on the parking lot. Alfred cringed before rushing over and rubbing my back once more.

"Ya know, if you just give me his address I could give them to him-" I interrupted him before he could continue.

"No! I have to do it myself." I wiped the barf off the corner of my mouth with my jacket sleeve before gently picking up the sunflowers and getting into the car. As Alfred turned on the engine he asked me something I didn't want to answer.

"So, who's your friend anyway? Do I know 'em?"

I felt my face pale. I didn't want to say, but I knew that he was going to find out anyway.

"...Ivan." Alfred slammed on the break, causing my stomach to do a frikkin' flip!

"Holy maple Al! Why'd you do that?" He turned to me with one eye twitching.

"You mean **RUSSIAN** Ivan? You know I don't like him! Geez, you should have told me! I knew I should've kept you in bed!" Lucky for us no one was behind us. As Alfred continued to drive again I gave a heavy sigh.

"Don't worry, I think you're going to get along better this time around. He's changed since summer." It's September now, so I'm pretty sure he's changed more that just a little. Alfred gave a huff at me.

"Yeah right! We HATE eachother! Do I have to talk to him? Cause I'm not talking to him," I inturrupted. "Turn left here." Alfred did so and continued, "But if he talks to me then I'm totally starting something!" He gripped the steering wheel tightly.

"Turn right, then go straight."

I waited for the place to get near before instructing him again.

"Ok, now turn right here. Oh, and you can't really park in this area, so you'll have to park over there," I pointed with my finger, "Or you'll get in trouble."

Alfred's eyes widened.

"Matthew, this is-"

"Yes, yes. Now park and let's visit him."

Alfred quietly did so and followed quietly behind me. As we approached Ivan, Alfred's face paled and his eyes narrowed a bit. I bent down in front of him and placed the sunflowers in front of him as well.

"I'm sorry I haven't been visiting you Ivan. I've just been busy." I noticed that Alfred was just staring, mouth slightly opened. I got up and walked infront of him.

"What? I told you he's changed. You can't argue anymore, and you don't have to see him, so what's wrong?"

It was as if Alfred had never seen a grave before. Was it really that shocking? He shook his head slightly at me.

"Matthew, how long has he been_ dead_? I mean..." He trailed off. I tilted my head back in thought before replying.

"June twenty-third. Right after you left for that summer camp thing."

That I had wanted to go to, but I hadn't said anything. I knew it wasn't going to happen, and Ivan was just so sick. I couldn't do that to him.

"Alfred, could you wait in the car? I need to talk to him privately." Alfred just nodded before fast-walking back to the car. I turned back to the headstone and sat infront of it criss-cross.

"So, how's it been going for you? Is it good over there?"

_Of course there was no answer._

"Is it better than here? Is it warm all the time over there?"

_Just the soft faint breeze answered._

"I kept your camera. I've been taking pictures, you know. Of the sky, of everything. I think I understand why you said that before. About why you like taking pictures of the sky. Since you had lung cancer, and you couldn't go out much...since you were so restricted because of it...the sky was like something that wasn't like that at all. It never ends. But it seemed like you couldn't go past your room at the hospital. I'm sorry that I didn't understand before."

I brought my knees up to my chest, still looking straight at the grave as I wrapped my arms around my legs.

"If I could trade places, I would. You know that, right? You know that I really miss you, right? That I want to see your smile again."

_I felt tears beginning to come up._

"That I want to see your face."

_My lip quivered._

"That I want you back."

_I began to sob._

It wasn't fair. God's so cruel. He's just _too cruel_.

I placed my hand on the dirt infront of the tombstone.

"_I want to see you so bad. So, so bad. You don't even know how bad! I'm so selfish, I know that, but please just come back. That's all I want from you! I just want you to hug me, and tell me that it's ok! That it's not my fault people are so mean! That's it not my fault I can't please my brother! **Please tell me it's ok**!_"

I had to choke out words I was crying so bad.

"_Kiss my forehead, hold my hand! Make me feel like I'm important again! I want to make you feel the same again as well! I never even got to say **goodbye **to you!"_

And that was all I could say before all I could do was sob. The tears wouldn't stop, and my nose wouldn't stop running. Even if my invisible life depended on it I couldn't stop.

That really was all I wanted again.

All of that.

I didn't care that my stomach was turning in, or that I felt like I was burning up once more. That didn't compare to any of the feelings that I couldn't stop from stabbing me, over and over until I couldn't take it.

The only other thing, besides all of this that I could clearly think about, was how long I was going to keep Alfred.

I hope he doesn't get mad.

_Please don't._

* * *

Everytime I type something sad, I can't help but think to myself, "Why am I so horrible to this characters...?" and, "Why do I feel like crying as I write this?"

I'm sentimental, can't expect much from me |D;;

Anyway, sorry for it being short AGAIN. :I You guys can shot me now. I guess I'm just one of those people who don't write incredibly long chapters...? Ehh, quality over quantity, right?


	4. Chapter 4

Alfred's POV this time 8DD

* * *

As I drove myself and Matthew back home I still couldn't believe what I had seen. Ivan was...dead. Gone forever. To think I had called the guy fat just a while ago! Of course, that communist wasn't big boned like he said he was and I knew that I had to set him right and yeah, sure, now that I look back it was just cruel and mean but I'm a hero damnit! I can't-..._couldn't_ let that big tower lie! As I stopped at a red light I looked over at Matthew, who looked like he had fallen asleep leaning on the car window. I furrowed my eyebrows together before going once more when the light turned green, gripping the steering wheel so hard that my knuckles turned white.

I wasn't sure why I was so shaken up by this; I hated the guy! I hated it even more when he was around Mattie! But there was a few times where we actually managed to get along, like when Matthew had dragged us both to the fair. I'll admit that it was fun, even with that fat communist hanging around us. Right as I took a left turn a thought dawned on me, making me raise an eyebrow at it even.

Why didn't Matthew tell me about this when it happened? I know I was at that totally awesome summer camp, which had those tasty hamburgers and that pretty brown haired girl- Going off topic. But he still could have told me when I had came home! Although, it did explain why he was so down during that time. I remember that Mattie wouldn't even let me touch that camera of his at all. From what I recalled it belonged to Ivan, so I guess he didn't want me tainting it or something..? I guess I could understand that, but he should have told me! I would have listened! Pulling into the driveway I quickly got out and went over to Matthew's side, carrying him inside and setting him on his bed, even tucking the canuck in.

After scratching my nose I walked back downstairs to the bookshelf and pulled out a photoalbum; I was _actually_ glad for once that dad always spazzed over taking pictures and saving them and stuff. He was such a weird British guy, I swear. Makes me want to move out as soon as I can! Opening the photoalbum I flipped over to photos that had Ivan in them; I felt some tears sting my eyes before quickly wiping them off.

Damn it, this wasn't heroic at all! And I can't cry over that Russian pig anyway! I. Refuse.

Looking at the pictures helped me realise something though.

Although I knew that the Russian was pale, he was paler than before in later photos and even looked a tad sicker. Huh. Everytime I saw him he looked the same to me.

_"God Al, be nicer! Can't you see Ivan's sick?" Matthew had huffed at me when all three of us were hanging out. I had shrugged and rolled my eyes before I punched Ivan in the arm. The tall Russian only smiled at Matthew, almost, now that I think about it, like he was telling him in wouldn't matter for much longer._

_"Matvey, it is perfectly fine. Alfred cannot even punch hard, so it doesn't hurt." Ivan punched me back, leading to me rubbing my arm and letting out a loud groan. Matthew looked worried but laughed at me._

_"If you're sure..."_

Have I always been this dense? I thought back harder while scratching my nose in thought.

There was a time where me and Ivan got in a stomach punching contest, and I remembered that Matthew had told me he wasn't feeling good earlier before that. Ivan had to go home shortly after the that, and I now recall that he looked fucking awful.

There was another time where we had gotten into an arguement when Ivan was temporarily in the hospital which also ended in some fists being thrown at eachother. Ivan wasn't allowed vistors after that and, while at the time I thought it was because he was all sore about losing, when I thought about it maybe he was doing pretty bad.

I felt my face pale as I slammed the photoalbum closed, hopping to my feet and rushing towards the stairs. I knew Matthew was still asleep, but I needed a question answered! I jumped on Matthew's bed and tapped his shoulder roughly until his eyes quickly opened and turned to me, an angry expression on that cute little face of his.

"Holy maple, Al, _what do you need_?" His frowned twitched at me as he turned over and sat up to face me.

"How did that commu- _Ivan_ die?" I needed to stop saying that! Mom always told us to respect the dead and even if I hated the guy I'd still respect him. Matthew's expression became gentler as he rubbed his forehead, a sigh coming from him as well. He looked back at me.

"Ivan's lungs were failing as well as his heart. It runs in his family, but only on the men's side. That's why I'd always tell you to be nicer with him, although he was told he wouldn't even make it towards twenty with the rate it was going..." He looked like his heart just broke in half right there in his chest. I felt my face pale even more as I began to think about it.

"Did I kill him faster?"

Matthew's eyes blinked a few times, eyes wide.

"Alfred, what are you talking about-" But I interrupted him.

"Oh god, I killed him faster, didn't I? I'm a murderer! Oh god!" I had just began to get up when Matthew grabbed my arm and yanked me back down, a gentle smile forming on his face.

"Al, you didn't kill him faster."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I felt my eyebrows twitch in slight anger. I know I can be slow but if he had told me I wouldn't have done it! He shook his head.

"I did try to tell you, but you would never listen."

His smile almost went away but he managed to keep it up. I clenched my fists as I looked down. Why did I always ignore Matthew?

"I-I killed a guy." It felt as though all the color was leaving my body. Then, suddenly, Matthew pulled me into a tight hug, a chuckle coming from him that sounded like mine.

"You arn't a murderer. If you were, I would have turned you in by now." He rubbed my back slightly, which in all honesty I didn't like, because it made me feel like I was some teenage girl who couldn't handle her hormones.

"I am though." I argued, causing Matthew to smack my back instead of rubbing it momentarily. He pulled me back before making me look in his eyes.

_Why are we having such a homo moment...?_

"You be honest now: could you even survive a week in prison?" He had an amused look on his face, making me huffed right at it.

"I sure as hell could!" This earned a small laugh from Matthew, making me blow right in that cocky looking face of his!

"Ok then , I have a question."

"Bring it."

"If you drop the soap at home, how are you going to get clean in prison?"

My eyes widened as I violently shook my head.

"Don't even go there!" Matthew broke out into laughter before falling back in his bed while holding his stomach.

"Ahaha, god Al, you should see your face! Pf, don't even lie to yourself, you'd be someone's bitch at the end of the first day!"

I couldn't help but laugh at that myself; not that it was true or anything! I would never be someone's bitch in prison! Someone'd be MY bitch of course! Matthew then put his hand on my shoulder, a serious look on his face.

"But, seriously though, you didn't kill Ivan. If you had, I really would have beaten the shit out of you." I flinched back a bit from the hard, cold look on Matthew's face. He wasn't joking by the the looks of that glint in his eyes.

"Ok, whatever you say."

Then then leaned closer and smiled sweetly at me, tilting his head to the side a bit.

"Now, Alfie, could you do me a favor?" He said in a sickly sweet voice, causing me to narrow my eyes a bit.

"Yeeeah..?"

Suddenly his face went dark and he pushed me off his bed.

"Let. Me. **Sleep**!"

I quickly got up and rubbed my ass, puffing my cheeks out before turning on my sneaker covered heel. "Yeah, yeah, go at it!" I wasn't going to show him that he scared me slightly or anything! Heros don't get scared! As I shut the door behind me I sighed.

I still knew I was a murderer!

* * *

I take too loooong ;x; I was working on Platonic Love before I started finishing this chapter up since I remembered I hadn't submitted it yet, fff. Haha, don't worry though, Al's not a murderer! _(He probably shouldn't have been smacking on Ivan thooough...)_


End file.
